


the knowledge of you is the most beautiful burden

by madandimpossible



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, F/M, its more eleven/amy if you squint idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-08
Updated: 2012-11-08
Packaged: 2017-11-18 05:18:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/557294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madandimpossible/pseuds/madandimpossible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he carries her farewell with him, tucked away, in secret, re-reading the words she wrote - a desperate man with a desperate hope that words could make a person alive again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the knowledge of you is the most beautiful burden

The last page is folded four times and tucked away where no one can reach it. The ink is fading, (she didn't fade; she burst in front of him like a collapsing star and burned her image onto his hearts), and the paper is threatening to fall apart where the folds have cut so deeply into the words she wrote. Amy's words. Last words. Goodbye Raggedy man, goodbye friend - Goodbye.

We will always love you.

'I will always love you.' He thinks, slowly unfolding the letter again, he's memorized the words - recites them with each breath he takes. The Doctor thought about buying the book again, buying every book ever printed, so he could have dozens upon thousands of her last words - but this page, this page used to smell of freshly cut grass, like adventure, like apples with faces, promises, and a thunderstorm after a long dry spell.

Sometimes, he presses the page to his lips and begs - begs - begs for the words to come alive again, to be able to hear them in her voice, to feel her back pressing against his as she asks to be read to.

He folds, reads, and refolds Amelia's farewell. He tucks it away, etches the words onto his ribcage, carries it with him like a scar, a burn, a lover's kiss.

The Doctor wrote her a letter once (tore it into pieces) and when he realized what he'd done, he pieced it back together in the palm of his hand and let the words flutter away, out of the TARDIS and into the stars.

  
He unfolds it once and sighs, another fold and he can feel his hearts opening up again, willing to accept her words, her affection, her madness all over again, but by the time he's done reading - his hearts have folded back up again and ache so fiercely that he wants to cry out - break, tear, and ruin the laws of time and space and see her one last time. One more trip. New York City implodes because of it? So what? Who cares?

Amelia. Mad, impossible Amy Pond.

Why is this their farewell? This doesn't have to be goodbye. The Doctor looks up at the console, just because he can't go forward and see her doesn't mean he can't go back. He holds her precious words, kisses it like he would kiss her forehead, and gently folds it back up again. One, two, three, four.

Geronimo.

**Author's Note:**

> so basically, I have this head-canon that I think a lot of other people have, in which that the Doctor went back in time after The Angels Take Manhatten and when we see him in episodes 1-4, he's post!Pond Doctor, and is going back in time to have more adventures with them because he isn't ready to move on. this show ruins lives.


End file.
